All alone
by Marawr
Summary: I'm finally numb, so please don't get me rescued. Gaanaru. Rated for language mainly. & themes. For Robert & for Chloe
1. Prologue

**For Robert and Chloe**

**--**

The tears rip my flesh, they burn holes through my skin and I swear I don't feel anything at all. Nothing. Except that intense burning. Not the arm around my shoulder, not the lips pressing reassuringly upon my cheek. I can't hear his voice anymore… and it stings, it burns, it rips apart my entire being. And I don't cry, I never cry, not since I was small. Smaller than I can even remember.

It scares her. But I don't care. She doesn't mean anything at all. Not a fucking thing. She never did she never will. All that matters is him. And he is gone, I lost him as he… no I didn't lose him. He left.

Me.

He left me.

All alone.

But he was the only one who cared, the only one who knew what it was like.

And then he UP AND FUCKING LEFT!

LEFT ME ALONE!  
BY MYSELF!

WITHOUT ANYONE ELSE TO FUCKING CARE!

But, what hurts the most…

Is that I still love him.

I still love him to death and back.

It hurts, it burns, it aches, but that's all love is.

Pain.

--

**Just a teaser. It's like the end of the story, at the beginning. Y'know?**

**-Marawr**


	2. More

I drum my fingers on the table; they make a steady _thunk_ing noise. I watch him quietly and he sighs, he etches numbers into his desk

2:3

Over and over again. And then he looks at me, catching me out, I smirk, in a way I hope looks confident when I'm sure I just look like a loser. He smiles a bit before turning back to his job. 2:3, 2:3, 2:3… I look away quickly. He always writes that, the numbers lesser as the days pass by though. I've only ever asked him about it once, the first time he did it actually. No answer, just a smile, a finger to the lips and a "shhhhhh". A teacher walks by, he resumes work and I get smacked across the back of the head so that I'll do the same. Good motivation, that. Class ends and my blonde friend jumps up straight away, even though we aren't allowed to, he grins goofily and yanks me by the wrist out of the room. It hurts, but I don't complain. If I complain, it'll make him curious, it'll make him look and before I know it I'm on suicide watch again. Super doper, life is grand, I wanna give life a good old hug, so tight it suffocates. Ha! Take that life! Take that!

We push our way down the crowded halls. It's only ever crowded now, three o'clock, everyone's practically _running _to their dorms. Boarding school. We get till eight o'clock to do stuff around the school grounds, like, y'know, eat. Then it's back to our rooms to study, sleep…Experimen---

Yeah, sleep.

"So, Gaara," Naruto addresses me with a very quirky wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Hm?" I hum, acknowledging his existence, just a little. We turn abruptly down another passage, cutting off some juniors.

"Little cherry blossom girl, _laiiiiiikees _you," he sings. I flinch and turn my gaze to him.

"No she doesn't," I say. He nods enthusiastically.

"She _loves_ you, she wants to _touch_ you, she wants _hoooollld_ you, she wants _toooooooo_-- NEVERMIND!" he announces loudly. I cringe, but hold my stare of death. "N-no?" he stutters.

"No," I repeat.

"Aww! But she's so pretty, with those pinkie bangs hanging over those piercing emerald eyes—,"

"Fag," I interject. He opens his mouth to argue the topic, then closes is it, smirking. We walk the rest of the way in silence, me, hands clenched in my pockets, him, smirking in a pleased way.

I drop my pile of books on the floor and fall onto my bed. He follows suit, crashing onto me in a loud thump. I moan and he giggles in a most feminine way.

"I am, you know?" he says, in a somewhat serious voice, most unlike the Naruto I know.

"Am what?" I say with a quirk of my eyebrow.

"A fag!" he yells, rolling off the side of the bed, cracking his head against the bedside table. I roll over to look at him lying there, clutching his head, those instantaneous tears you get in the corners of your eyes when something hurts so much it shocks the tears out of you.

"Ouch," I mutter, staring at him. He rubs his head and opens one eye to look at me.

"Ya don't say," he says, a grin lighting up his face again, the three strike marks on each cheek curving with his face. His sits up abruptly, head butting the table on his way up and almost getting me. "Speaking of which," he says absently, looking at the top of my head. He raises a hand and pushes it through my red hair; I feel my cheeks turning that exact same shade.

"Naruto—" I mutter, it almost sounds like a moan.

"Ow," he says loudly, rubbing his hand on my head. "Teacher got you real good this time, fucking massive bump. Vicious bastard,"

I stare at him incredulously, and his eyes shift from the top of my head to my eyes. He gasps and moves away.

"We—We were very close then!" he states. "Are you… are you trying to seduce me?"

I blink, lift a hand and flick his nose.

"Dick," I say. His goofy smile drops as he surveys the hand I flicked him with, or more, the arm attached to it. He takes my hand in his, and pulls me forward, aggressively. He unbuttons the cuff of my shirt and pulls the sleeve up to me elbow.

He draws his attention away from my raw arms and looks up at me, eyebrows pressed together.

"Why the fuck do you do that?" he curses at me, I cringe back a bit. "Why the fuck do you think no one cares about you?" he questions, his eyes look like they are on fire, like he's ready to tear me apart. But he doesn't, he just sits there, waiting. I look away, my eyes finding the window.

He keeps a loose hold of my hand, and after what seems like a year he pulls lightly on it. I flit my eyes back to his as I fall towards him, his sea blue eyes no longer ablaze. He catches my lips with his but I don't fight it. I hear his breathing, ragged and short as he places kisses along my jaw.

"Don't think that no one cares," he commands. "Don't ever, even for a moment think that," he says, placing his lips on mine between each word. My breathing comes in gasps, my skin tingles and he leaves me wanting more. More and more, and more.

I frown reluctantly, and open my mouth to argue, he jumps at the chance, his tongue rolling across mine. He bites my lip and my breath hitches.

"Someone will always care. And that someone is me," he growls possessively. "And," he says, a smirk claiming his lips. "If cherry blossom doesn't want to touch you, you know I will,"

"You already--," I start, letting out my held breath, but he cuts me off again, our lips fighting for dominance.

He leans back, smiles, smacks my cheek lightly twice and stands up, moving away to get changed.

"I'm gonna go get something to eat," he says, yanking a hat onto his spikey blonde hair. He opens the door, about to leave.

"Hey… Naruto?" I call. He stays looking out the door.

"Yes?"

"I wouldn't want it from her," I say.

He pauses, takes two defiant steps forward and closes the door softly behind him. My gaze drops to the floor, wait a few minutes, and stand up.

I move to the door, click the lock, and amble to my bed. I pull up the mattress and fish out a razor blade, sharp, shining and calling for me.

--

Any goood?

Not your style?

Leave a review.

Help me improve, that's why I do this.

Oh, but I don't like flames if you could help it at all.

**Please Review (heart)**


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